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| want to be tiny again. I want to be back to 107 lbs and lose possibly more. I'm back up to a dreadful weight of 120 lbs and I really cannot even take looking at myself in the mirror any longer. I'm planning to go to grad school after this year - head somewhere far away from family, friends, my ex boyfriend, a past that I don't want to look on any longer. I want to start fresh. Open a new chapter. And I'm going to begin this with losing every inch of fat on me.
I'm going to develop some sort of plan and I'd love your girls' advice. I learn more from you all than anyone else. We've all struggled, we've all been through it and xanga is the best support system.
I don't want to pass out and crash and binge and I don't want to purge. I started purging again and I developed the "chipmunk" face for a little while. My face was swollen and everyone said I was going crazy and it looked fine (I told them I felt my face looked fat) but I could see the difference from pictures months ago. What happens is you purge and binge and your lymph nodes, salivary glandes and parotid glands swell up. Fortunately, you can recover from this but it will take a little while depending on the person.
Rules:
- no more purging
- 500 cal max to begin
- tons of water with lemon
- no eating after 6:30pm
- green tea / coffee with skim and NO sugar allowed
- workout plan - fast paced walking, abs everyday, and pilates 3x a week
I also wanted to ask, does anyone find they are just naturally muscular? I started running each day and I found that I bulked up way too fast. Does anyone have any routines they use in terms of working out that doesn't make them BULK and keeps them lean? I'm thinking Pilates would be the best bet. I'd LOVE your advice.
xo and enjoy the thinspoooo of some of my fav models below.
       
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| i just realized that i need to workout and keep my body in control. why? because it is all i have. it is the only thing i have control over. not my family, not my friends, not what is happening in my life right now. it's all i have and i need to work at it the best way that i can. | | |
| I'm back! I apologize for not blogging at all. I was extremely busy with school and I discovered a person very close and important to me was diagnosed with cancer. I have already been through it before, understanding what comes with the word "cancer". It is a long ride, but I am trying to be very positive about the issue. There is not much else I can do. Sometimes I find myself a bit depressed, but I am looking forward to release on the weekend. I have a huge Christmas party to go to on the weekend and it shall be snazzy. I just bought an outfit for it so I'm pretty excited. It's a wool higher-waisted mini (not too short at all), both ivory and black, worn with black nylons, black heels and an ivory silk loose neck top. I plan to put a lace tank underneath so that when I bend there will be no mishaps ha. I also have a thin cardigan to wear on top from BCBG. It's a classy outfit, I just wish I could lose those few lbs so I could be super thin for the outfit (although the black does make you look thinner). I still have a problem with my thighs. I've always been a BIT more curvy down there. I wish I could lose half an inch around them (the fattt). My arms are looking WAY better, I just need to tone up so they're not so flabby, although they are skinny. I'm satisfied with my stomach. It is flat, but again just need to tone up and get some muscle. I want to complete that AFTER I lose the desired weight though because I am quite aware that muscle gain = weight gain. Perhaps I will upload pictures soon of myself and the outfit! INTAKE 3/4 Cup of Baby Carrots - [40 Cal]
Water - [1/4] OUTAKE 10/30 Stairs (Up/Down)
0/300 Jumping Jacks (10 cals per 100 JJ)
20/50 Tricep Exercise with Band | | |
| Hi everyone. After a horrible few days of drinking, eating, etc. I only went up to 110 lbs. Which, is a HUGE surprise to me. I was at 107 beforehand, last week, and I think I will be able to get back to there. I am looking to get to about 105 lbs, see how I look then, and possibly start some muscle training for my arms and legs just to tone up moreso. I do not want to look deathly thin; just naturally. Noticeably thin, but not "are you EATING thin?". I'm around 5'5 and I think my body can take the 105 lbs fine. I have a naturally curvy body (hips and butt ha) so it should go well nicely. What I plan to eat? Get away with not eating any meals. Including breakfast, possibly lunch and dinner. Drink 4 waterbottles a day, and exercise (jog). 
TINYY. | | |
| Like nothing is ever right.
As if I will never be "perfect" (in my own eyes).
The hurt will never stop.
This long-distance relationship, for another two years, will be unbearable.
That love is hard.
That people don't "get" me.
Many things I do are analyzed and scrutinzed, even when in other's best interest.
I will never understand myself. -I'm back. Thanks for all the on going support. Xo 
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